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Two weeks ago I had an emotional breakdown. It all had to do with worrying about my Mom and Dad. So, I have decided to start a blog so that I can write down how they are doing and how I am feeling. So, first, a little about Mom and Dad.

Mom and Dad have been married to 55 years. They have five children, 25 grandchildren, and 16 great grandchildren. They are living in their home of 36 years. Mom is diabetic and frail, but still smart and knows what she wants. She uses a Jazzy to get around the house, and they have a wheelchair to travel out and about. She is in pain a lot of the time due to her knees and hips, on which she has had surgeries. Dad can still get around pretty well. He goes to the mall everyday and walks with some longtime friends. However, his memory is not what it used to be. He functions well in the environment he is in, but if things happen out of the ordinary, he has a hard time adjusting and figuring out what is going on. He has dementia.

My name is Karrie and I am Mom and Dad's second child, first daughter. I live about 30 minutes away from them. I have been married for 33 years, have seven children and four grandchildren. I tend to be the one that people call when something happens with Mom and Dad, and I am supposed to have the answers and do what needs to be done. Hence, the emotional breakdown.

Now...what led up to my holing up in my bedroom and not being able to stop crying? Let me see if I can reconstruct...

On Sunday, August 22nd we had a family barbecue at Mom and Dad's house to celebrate their 55th wedding anniversary. It was fun, Mom and Dad participated, we took a lot of pictures.

On Wednesday, August 25th at 5:15 p.m. I received a phone call from my Aunt Bonnie. She informed me that the paramedics were at my parent's house because Dad couldn't wake up Mom. Her blood sugar was too low. This is the third time this summer that the paramedics have been called to come to their house for Mom. She appears to be having a hard time regulating her blood sugar. Dad said that earlier that day they had gone to Walmart and were going to go to a movie. At Walmart, Mom had trouble getting into the car and slipped onto the floor of the car instead of into the seat. Two Walmart associates helped her get into the seat. At that point she was too tired to go to a movie so they came home. At home, Mom laid down.

In the meantime, Scott and his sons had come to the house. They come out once or twice a week to take care of the yard and see how Mom and Dad are doing. They knew Mom was resting, but didn't worry about it because she frequently takes naps after lunch.

As the story goes (which this is from Dad so I am not sure how accurate it is) he tried to wake Mom up at 4:00 and couldn't, he tried again at 4:30 and she still didn't wake up. At 5:00 when he couldn't wake her, he went to Bonnie's and she called 911.

I drove out to their house and by the time I got there, the paramedics had left. Mom was sitting in her chair and eating some potato stix. She looked good. I, however, was feeling worried and stressed for a few reasons..First, of course, is that this was the third time this summer that the paramedics have been called. Second, I had a phone call the previous week from my sister, Becky. She had recieved a call from Dixie, a neighbor and church friend of Mom's. Dixie had stopped by to visit Mom before church and Mom was incoherent. The friend put a sugar pill under Mom's tongue and she came out of it and had a nice visit. She was concerned, and Becky was passing on the information to me.

I talked with Mom and Dad about what kind of care I thought they needed, and different options. I was feeling very anxious because Mom doesn't feel like she needs help. She feels that she and Dad can handle it. I told them I didn't think that a call to 911 once a month was a feasible ongoing health plan. We talked about having someone come to the house to help them or going to an assisted living center. I told them that most people have been telling me that they needed to be in assisted living. They both said that they wanted to stay home and be together as long as they could. I left frustrated.

The next day, my cell phone rang while I was at work. When I looked at the phone, it was from my parent's house. When I answered, no one was there. I was debating what to do when it rang again, it was from Mom's house again, when I answered again, no one was there again. Now I was worried - were they trying to get hold of me? What was going on? First, I called Aunt Bonnie next door, no one answered. I called Mom's cousin, Kenny, down the street, no one answered. I finally got hold of the next door neighbor, Jeannie. She was on her way home from work and said she would stop by to check on them for me. She called me back a few minutes later from their house. They were fine. The conclusion was that Mom pocket called me, she had the phone in the chair with her. I felt relieved.

But....when I left work I couldn't stop crying. I went straight to my room and cried, would pull myself together and then cry some more. I didn't know what to do beyond what we are already doing. (Which is: Nancy or her family go out once or twice a week on Monday - Thursday to check on them and help in the yard. I go out on Friday mornings to clean the house and cook lunch for them. Then I go out again on Sunday night, take them dinner, and play cards.) I know that I don't have any more time to go out without putting my job or family in jeopardy and I am pretty sure that Nancy is doing what she can. We are the only two that live close to Mom and Dad. The other siblings have agreed to call and check in at least once a week.

While I was not knowing what to do except cry, my brother Reed called from out of state. He was probably the only person I would have answered the phone for that night. I totally cried on his shoulder and unloaded. He told me what he contribute financially to their care if that is what was needed. He told me that he would support whatever we decided to do. I also realized while I was talking to him that the situation wasn't urgent. We didn't have to do anything right now. In the past after a visit from the paramedics, Mom always did well for a while. The plan became that I would investigate options and find out what was available.

At that time, I also decided to journal when I had contact with Mom and Dad, mostly just the facts so there is a record of what we do and how they are doing.

Here is the journaling that I did before today, from today on I will be blogging, which is just a public journal, right?

8/28/10
Arrived at Mom and Dad's about 11:30 a.m. Dad asked me to cut his hair. He got out the clippers while I got the chair and I cut his hair. I cleaned the usual - cleaned the kitchen, dusted the living room, crubbed the bathrooms, and vacuumed. Then I cooked lunch for all of us - ham sandwiches and peaches. Mom and Dad both cleaned their plates, then I washed the dishes.

8/29/10
Amy went with me for Sunday night cards. When we got there (about 5:30 p.m.) Rita and Marv were just leaving. We set up the table and played a game of hand and foot. During the game, Dad kept asking Mom if she needed anything. After about the 6th time in an hour, Mom snapped at Dad and said she was fine. Dad then, uncharacteristically, snapped back, saying that he was only trying to keep her comfortable. After the game, I heated up the spaghetti I brought over for them. The both ate licorice and popcorn during the card game, then a plate of spaghetti after. I left about 7:00 p.m.

8/30/10
I called Meals on Wheels to see if Mom and Dad would qualify for their services. Meals on Wheels will take a midday meal to homebound seniors up to five days a week. Because Mom doesn't drive, they would qualify. The cost is a suggested donation of $2.50 a meal and they will come on whatever days are agreed upon (Monday through Friday or fewer). I asked if I could make arrangements with them, instead of going to Mom and Dad (knowing that Mom would probably not agree to have them come). I explained that Mom was somewhat stubborn and fiercely independent. The worker very gently explained to me that it is Mom and Dad's choice, not mine, to receive help. She explained that they have rights, and it is their right to choose. She reminded me that they even have the right to make bad choices.

9/3/10
Went to Mom and Dad's and cleaned the house. I apologized to Mom for my behavior and attitude since the paramedics came. She told me it was no big deal, that I was just expressing my opinion. I explained that it was a big deal to me, and I was sorry for trying to force them to do something when it was actually their choice. I let her know that our offer of having someone come into the house to help was still available. I let her know that Meals on Wheels could come out if she decided that would help. I let her know that I would be able to keep doing what I am doing, and if she felt she needed more help to let me know and I could make arrangements to get the help she wanted.

I made them bacon and tomato sandwiches with grapes for lunch. Both ate all of it.

9/5/10
Bill, Morgan, Lisa and Christian all went to Mom and Dad's house at about 5:00 to play cards. I choose not to go because if there is an uneven number of people, then Mom sits out and doesn't play. I wanted her to play. I sent some hamburger potatoe casserole out for their dinner. Everyone came back around 8:30. They were laughing and telling how Dad and Bill were way losing (negative points). Grandma and her partner won the game!

9/6/10
Mom and Dad came to my house! Mom helped tie a quilt that we made for Jeff's Mom's 70th birthday. While Mom helped with the quilt, Dad took a walk around the yard. They were here for about an hour.

9/10/10
This is today! So now I am caught up on the computer blog! Today I went out to Mom and Dad's house and Jane went with me. We got there about 10:15. While I was cleaning house I got a phone call from Dixie. She gave me the name and number of a home health service that could come out everyday and help Mom check her blood sugar and manage her meds. I took down the name and number that she gave me. I wasn't very responsive on the phone because Mom and Dad were listening and I wanted to check out the service before I presented it to them.

A little later while I was still there, Dixie stopped by. She gave Mom the name and phone number and encouraged her to get extra help. She told Mom that if the paramedics came again, they would sweep her right off to an assisted living center. Mom at that point, tuned out and didn't listen much until the topic of conversation was changed.

After Dixie left, I told Mom that she had called me and I had the name and number and would add it to the list of services that are available when she chooses to have more help. Mom then opened up to me and told me that her and Dad are participating in a medical research study for flu shots. She told me how they went to the clinic yesterday and got an flu shot. They have papers that they need to record on daily for a week. Then they will go back to the clinic for another check-up. They will get paid for participating besides getting the flu shot for free.

I fed them a ham sandwich again. (They really like the ham sandwiches. I make them like Mom used to when I was a kid, ham steak on toast with mustard and mayo. Yummy!) We also had apple pears (from Costco) with them.

Jane and I left just before twelve o'clock. Aunt Bonnie was there visiting when we left.

Just a side note: I am enjoying my time with Mom and Dad more since the talk with the worker at the county.